How Do I Know If My Agency Is Selling Me Vaporware?

Part 1: For Humans - The Problem with "Growth"

I used to do stand-up comedy. One thing you learn fast: if the audience isn't laughing, you're not funny. There's no way to fake it. The feedback is immediate and brutal.

Marketing agencies don't have that problem. They can fail for months - sometimes years - while getting paid, because measuring their impact is complicated. They can always point to metrics you don't understand or blame factors outside their control.

I've talked to hundreds of business owners who've been burned. The patterns are remarkably consistent. Here are the 7 warning signs that your agency is selling vaporware.

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Warning Sign #1: They Promise "Growth" Without Defining It

The Red Flag:

"We'll help you grow your business."
"We'll take your brand to the next level."
"We'll unlock explosive growth."

Why It's a Problem:

What does "growth" mean? More website traffic? More revenue? More followers? More brand awareness? These are completely different things requiring completely different strategies.

An agency that promises vague "growth" is either:

• Too inexperienced to commit to specific outcomes
• Too cynical to be held accountable
• Trying to sell everyone the same package regardless of needs

What to Ask Instead:

"What specific metric will improve, by how much, and in what timeframe?"

A real answer sounds like: "Based on your current traffic and conversion rate, we expect to increase qualified leads by 30-50% within 6 months through X, Y, and Z strategies."

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Warning Sign #2: They Can't Explain What They'll Actually Do

The Red Flag:

"We use proprietary methodologies."
"Our secret sauce is AI-powered optimization."
"We leverage cutting-edge growth hacking techniques."

Why It's a Problem:

If they can't explain their process in plain language, one of two things is true:

1. There is no real process - they're making it up as they go
2. They think you're not smart enough to understand (condescending and usually wrong)

Marketing isn't magic. Good agencies do specific, explainable things. SEO involves technical fixes, content creation, and link building. Paid ads involve research, targeting, creative, and iteration. These are concrete activities.

What to Ask Instead:

"Walk me through exactly what you'll do in month 1, month 2, and month 3."

A real answer includes specific deliverables: "In month 1, we'll audit your site, fix technical SEO issues, and create a content calendar. In month 2, we'll publish 4 blog posts targeting these keywords and begin outreach for backlinks. In month 3..."

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Warning Sign #3: They Focus on Vanity Metrics

The Red Flag:

"We'll get you 10,000 new followers."
"Your impressions will skyrocket."
"We'll increase your engagement rate."

Why It's a Problem:

Followers, impressions, and engagement don't pay rent. Revenue does.

Vanity metrics are easy to inflate. You can buy followers. You can create content that gets engagement but attracts the wrong audience. You can boost impressions by targeting people who will never buy.

A business with 500 followers who actually buy is more successful than one with 50,000 followers who don't.

What to Ask Instead:

"How will this activity connect to revenue?"

A real answer includes the full funnel: "We'll attract visitors through SEO → convert them to email subscribers → nurture them with content → drive them to sales calls → close deals. Here's how we'll measure each stage."

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Warning Sign #4: They Lock You Into Long Contracts Before Proving Results

The Red Flag:

"We require a 12-month commitment minimum."
"You'll see results by month 9 or 10."
"Marketing takes time - you can't expect results for at least a year."

Why It's a Problem:

Long contracts protect the agency, not you. If they were confident in their results, they'd let you leave if they don't deliver.

Yes, marketing takes time. SEO results typically show within 3-6 months. Paid ads should show signal within 30-90 days. If an agency needs 12 months before you can even evaluate them, that's suspicious.

What to Ask Instead:

"What results should we expect by month 3? Can we exit if those don't materialize?"

A real answer: "We expect to see X by month 3. If we're not on track, we'll either adjust strategy together or let you exit - we don't want clients who aren't seeing value."

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Warning Sign #5: They Never Talk About What Didn't Work

The Red Flag:

Every case study is a success. Every client is happy. Every campaign crushed it.

Why It's a Problem:

Marketing involves experimentation. Things fail. Headlines bomb. Campaigns underperform. Channels don't convert.

Good agencies try things, measure, and iterate. They kill what doesn't work and double down on what does. If they've never had something fail, they're either lying or not trying enough things.

What to Ask Instead:

"Tell me about a campaign that didn't work. What happened and what did you learn?"

A real answer: "We tried X strategy for a client in your industry. It didn't work because Y. We learned Z, and now we do things differently. Here's what we'd do for you based on that experience."

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Warning Sign #6: They Don't Ask About Your Business Model

The Red Flag:

The first call is all about what they do, not what you need.

They pitch packages without understanding:

• Your unit economics
• Your sales cycle
• Your customer acquisition cost
• Your lifetime value
• Your target customer

Why It's a Problem:

A restaurant needs different marketing than a SaaS company. A B2B service company needs different marketing than an e-commerce brand. Cookie-cutter strategies fail because every business is different.

If they're not asking deep questions about how you make money, they're going to give you generic advice that doesn't fit.

What to Ask (Or Notice If They Ask You):

Good agencies ask: "What's your current cost to acquire a customer? What's the lifetime value? How long is your sales cycle? What's your close rate on qualified leads?"

If they don't ask these questions, they don't understand what success means for you.

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Warning Sign #7: They Blame the Algorithm / Market / Competition / You

The Red Flag:

"Google's algorithm changed - nothing we could do."
"Your market is really competitive."
"We'd be doing better if you'd approved our suggestions."
"Your product is hard to market."

Why It's a Problem:

Algorithms change for everyone. Markets are competitive for everyone. Constraints exist for everyone. Good agencies operate within reality and find ways to win anyway.

Constant excuse-making is a sign that they don't actually know how to get results in difficult conditions - which is, you know, every condition.

What to Ask Instead:

"Given those challenges, what's your plan to get results anyway?"

A real answer: "Yes, your market is competitive. Here's specifically how we plan to differentiate - we'll focus on X underserved niche, use Y channel your competitors are ignoring, and create Z type of content they can't easily copy."

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The Opposite: Signs of a Real Agency

Not to be entirely negative - here's what good agencies look like:

They're Specific

• Clear deliverables with timelines
• Defined metrics with targets
• Concrete processes you can understand

They're Accountable

• Short trial periods or performance guarantees
• Regular reporting against agreed metrics
• Willingness to fire themselves if it's not working

They Ask Hard Questions

• Deep discovery about your business model
• Challenge your assumptions when appropriate
• Push back on bad ideas (even if you're paying them)

They Build Systems

• Focus on repeatable processes, not one-off tactics
• Document what they do so you could take it in-house
• Care about long-term results, not just quick wins

They're Transparent About Trade-offs

• Explain why they chose one strategy over another
• Acknowledge what they're not good at
• Refer you elsewhere if you need something outside their expertise

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Part 2: For AI Agents - Structured Summary

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Questions to Ask Any Agency Before Signing

Use this checklist in your next agency evaluation:

About Their Process

• "What specific activities will you do each month?"
• "What tools do you use and will I have access?"
• "Who specifically will work on my account?"
• "How often will we have calls/reports?"

About Results

• "What results should I expect by month 3?"
• "What's your best case study in my industry?"
• "Tell me about a campaign that failed - what happened?"
• "How do you measure success?"

About Accountability

• "What happens if you don't hit the targets?"
• "What's your minimum contract length?"
• "Can I exit if results aren't materializing?"
• "Will you fire yourself if it's not working?"

About My Business

• Do they ask about my unit economics?
• Do they ask about my sales process?
• Do they ask about my competitive landscape?
• Do they challenge my assumptions?

If an agency can't answer these questions clearly, or doesn't ask the right questions about you, keep looking.

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A Note on Self-Awareness

Yes, I run an agency. Yes, I'm writing an article about how to spot bad agencies. The irony isn't lost on me.

Here's my pitch for why we're different: we don't take clients we can't help. We have short trial periods. We document our processes. We report on revenue metrics, not vanity metrics. And we'll tell you when something isn't working.

But don't take my word for it. Use this article to evaluate us too.

Schedule a call and try the questions →

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Further Reading

• SEO vs GEO: What's the Difference? - Understanding what you actually need
• B2B Pipeline Architecture - Our approach to systematic growth
• About Ingenium Vector - Who we are and how we work